As I have reached middle age I can count my female friends on one hand. I’m not speaking about the acquaintances and people we “act” like are our friends. I’m talking about the hardcore “have your back” and will not talk behind your back kind. I decided that I would conduct an experiment and get together with 3 or 4 female friends that I was convinced wanted the best for me.
Friends Forever
Guess what, after two hours of nonstop talking about themselves, their accomplishments and problems; I should have just sent a cardboard cutout of myself and had her nod her head. What has happened to the reality of a reciprocal conversation? Afterwards I thought, “what am I doing wrong?” I have always been way introverted but I started to notice a new trend where I was almost going out of my way to try too hard with friendships, which has never been my style. I caught myself a few times mid-sentence trying to brag and suddenly stopped. I sounded ridiculous to myself. What is going on here I thought? Do women not support each each other that way they seem to in public or on social media — which could be a big part of the inherent problem. In the past, we have had to engage and actually conduct a real conversation. Then there is the mom sector who you think who would support you and your children versus compete.
Therefore, after all this inner turmoil, I decided, yes I do want friends and it is healthy (like that 15 minute walk around the block); however, as we age and mature I would advise to be selective. Life is hard and it is also beautiful. It is alright to just have a few that you know care and let the rest keep showing off. I rather be real and let the others go. It might be painful at first but you feel very free after. Somehow things unfold the way the were supposed to and then you truly value the authenticity of a friend.
The lesson: Do not become bitter. We are here to learn and sometimes painful lessons lead to beautiful things.Just keep going and remember, it’s about the journey. Always!
Fashion posts can be fun, fabulous and fierce. Then every once in a while, there comes along a “story,” actually a special and meaningful one that must be told. Such is the case with James Daugherty and his stunning designs. Do you happen to know who James Daughtery is? Well, I am about to enlighten you.
My blog has always stemmed from original trailblazers. I like to cover designers and artists (fashion and jewelry) that make an innate and intimate impact upon people. Hopefully designers that inspire others the way they inspire me through their endless creativity, dedication and passion for their art. James Daughtery set the tone for style, fashion and individualism during a time when this was not considered “the norm” for an African-American man. He was the definition of elegance and grace.
I was first introduced to this fashion icon by a dear friend of mine who…
Lately there has been a lot of “rules on style at 40 plus.” Being in my forties is not always fabulous, but I continue to love fashion and finding ways to make it work. Here are my rules:
1. There really are no rules. Do you want to dress like your tween daughter? Absolutely not, but do not be so hard on yourself. Go with what makes you feel good (within reason). If denim works for you, do it. Pair your jeans with a classy button down or stylish sweater. Furthermore, they do not have to be $150.00 jeans either. I have bought so many jeans at Target that Do work for a great price. Be resourceful and do your research. Go online to get ideas and search for a brand that appeals to you. Yet with jeans, I apply the same rule here as I do with bathing suits: Try them on! If you prefer long skirts that are streamlined that is a lovely look too. Flowy skirts are in at the moment and I love them.
~ Ultimate Street Style
2. Flats at Forty. Nordstrom can be pricey but in all honesty, nothing works better than a classic pair for that school function or work meeting where you want to be casual but also put together. I think some women feel more comfortable in flats than others. Since I am short, I have always preferred a heel but am slowly transitioning to a flatter ground. Many women feel paying a higher price for flats is “too diva” but actually various “high-end” department stores are quite reasonable than some of the speciality boutiques out there. Without a doubt, they will be a smart shoe investment. Lastly, if you go with a nude flat (maybe unconventional), you can play up other aspects of your look with more color as well as being more bold in your accessory choices. Personally I am obsessed with the look below ~ very sweet and feminine combined with some bohemian aspects.
Nude flats are wonderful!
3. Handbags. Obviously these are personal preference and I am obsessed with bags — both big and small. It never hurts to invest in a classy one with a touch of edge. It makes you feel good too. Also, you do not always have to go with black! The grey clutch below is a great option (notice the simple gold chains that add flair). Here she can be bold with her cargo pants since her petite blazer, silk blouse and purse are in the grey/back realm.
4. Jewelry. I would be a bit more picky in this area. This is the time when your favorite designers come into play. As you know, I have mine. Debbie de la Cueva Jewelry, Moon Rocks To Roses and Liz Bee Jewelry. Independent designers stand out as something different but these lines are all eclectic, classy and unique. All three of these lines are designed by three of my closest friends which makes it even more fun. I am always amazed by their artistry and inspiration to create.
Moon Rocks To RosesMoon Rocks To RosesDebbie de la Cueva JewelryLiz Bee Jewelry
5. Makeup. I would go as natural as possible but play up your best features. For a while I was scaring my kids because I decided I needed shadow, eyeliner and mascara. A little too much for me. My rule for this: use a combination of products that all work together. Most makeup artists I have worked with know the best cosmetic results come from a seamless blend of different products. No need at all to stick with one brand. Most important of all — go for a quality moisturizer!!! It starts there. It does not have to be insanely expensive but it definitely helps to use one that consists of beneficial qualities. Especially one with a SPF. That sets the tone for everything else having a smooth finish.
Protect your Skin ) DNA EGF Skin Renewal
6. Be You. This might sound cliché but “no one can do You better.” Yes, we can all improve, eat healthier, exercise and have a better attitude. But I finally put down a lot of the fashion magazines (where I thought all good research comes from) and started to really ask myself what works for me. It is not about pleasing anyone else or having a man (as my photographer husband works with some incredibly beautiful women) …. but ultimately, it comes from within. So make it fun and it will work. Embracing the change is half the battle. Experiment until you feel good about what you choose. As we all know, nothing is more stylish than a confident woman.
A great choice for pumps ~ camel colorWearing a multi-color belt adds an eclectic touch
I try hard not to be a “trend girl” and I like to keep my copy as fresh as possible; but when it comes to Isabel Marant, the style news is always fabulous. Her designs are so on point and this collection in particular features some budget-friendly buys. This is from whowhatwear.com (one of the best fashion and style sites out there). After seeing these creations, I am an Isabel Marant-Obsessed Girl! If the styles featured are not Isabel Marant, then I chose some pretty swell knockoffs.
Chic studded sandals ~ All the rage! Isabel Marant
Marant is known for her ability to seamlessly mix bohemian chic with casual designs. Isabel Marant is the epitome of of Parisian cool, and since I plan to live there in a few years, it all makes sense. She consistently turns out collections of bold prints, relaxed silhouettes and the coolest shoes. (Is it just me…. I have not found a pair I’m thrilled about in years). Here are some pieces from her standout, spring collection. I think with Isabel Marant, she has that European vibe going on, yet she does not take it too far where it is unrealistic.
Ivory Item With Frayed Hemline or Tassels Isabel MarantPerfectly printed Tribal Dress Isabel Marant
Gosh, forty-something is hard enough, yet Isabel Marant makes it a bit more realistic and gets you excited for your wardrobe again. Again, that is what style is all about ~ making it work for you.
Zara Embroidered DressNew Romantics Kamanyani Dress
Recently I let some very important people down — all three of my kids. Yes, when I get involved, I go full force. As moms, we all make mistakes. Some parenting mistakes are more costly than others, but there are moments when you truly mess up and admitting that is even more brutal ~ both to your children and yourself. The “perfect mom scenario” simply does not exist. You can make it look like it exists (on facebook, instagram, etc) (I am guilty of this too), but facebook is a bit of a facade. It has it purposes, it does. Yet, “Why am I friends with people on facebook who were awful to me high school or even my present life now?” This is not the point though.
In reality, it is much more complicated yet fully gratifying to have a real and authentic relationship with your children. Without a doubt, it is worth the time and effort. Sit down with them and really understand what is happening. Listen to what they are saying.It might not be what you expected. I got involved in their personal lives and somehow thought, “I knew best” and “I can fix this.” As it turns out, I made a fool of myself and now am dealing with the consequences. With my daughter, she is still a child, so I got involved for a very fair and valid reason. Yet, when the teenage years start, it is a different beast. Warning: when your teenage sons say, “Let me handle this,” it is best to listen. Ironically, I thought I was helping them, but unfortunately, I hurt them in the process. Why did I feel the need to get involved? They are already self-sufficient and extremely mature. I am having a hard time myself answer this question. Maybe I feel my kids need me more than they really do. Maybe I want to feel useful; yet, it just might be time to let all three figure it out on their own ~ bruises and all. I have always prided myself on letting them have an incredible amount of independence and breathing room. So how do you heal from this? Well, you can apologize, but be prepared for that not to go very far. You have to go through the unwanted valley of watching their disappointment within you and simply, giving it time to ride the wave. Truly, there is nothing worse than doubting your child to handle a situation that they have assured you they can do themselves. So who is this really about? My bruised ego or trusting my kids? It is about understanding that I need to step back. I cannot rectify certain situations. Yes, I doubted when I should have trusted. And honestly, I am not sure what is worse: the disappointment from them, within myself or from other moms. Maybe all three, but without a doubt my kids first. Adults have growing pains too. It is very hard to let go but one must in order to rebuild (not only yourself), but your relationship with these “new mini adults.” I think the key is to never give up — mistakes and all. Keep communicating as best as you can and hope for a breakthrough, even a small one. It is worth the time, effort and pain. Remember, you have one shot at this parenting thing. It is something you want to do well. Yes, the helicopter has landed ~ no more hovering.
I first discovered Moon Rocks to Roses’s jewelry on facebook. At the time, I was so struck by the gorgeous jewelry that I did not realize we had a mutual friend who is a jewelry designer himself. He put me in contact with her and Bam, “Here she is with her gorgeous and unique designs!” Lakshmi Rose happens to be quite gorgeous herself so I wanted to ring in the New Year with a continuation of the Gift Guide as well as some fierce new looks from new designers. Christmas Gifts are lovely but New Year’s can be even better!
Gold Cigar Bands with ruby stones
The picture below got me hooked. I am a ring girl — but not with too much bling. There is such a dichotomy when it comes to rings at the moment. I adore tiny little sweet ones that can be a tad too trendy…
Fashion posts can be fun, fabulous and fierce. Then every once in a while, there comes along a “story,” actually a special and meaningful one that must be told. Such is the case with James Daugherty and his stunning designs. Do you happen to know who James Daughtery is? Well, I am about to enlighten you.
My blog has always stemmed from original trailblazers. I like to cover designers and artists (fashion and jewelry) that make an innate and intimate impact upon people. Hopefully designers that inspire others the way they inspire me through their endless creativity, dedication and passion for their art. James Daughtery set the tone for style, fashion and individualism during a time when this was not considered “the norm” for an African-American man. He was the definition of elegance and grace. I was first introduced to this fashion icon by a dear friend of mine who knows I adore fashion from a deeply passionate and classic perspective. This post is not a “trend of the month” type of love affair; yet, rather a deep and intense love story that I cannot let go of. I was honored to be able to tell the story of James Daugherty, one of passion, humility and immense talent. James Daugherty was an African-American man who had a burning desire to express himself through his designs (that to this day many people have not even seen). You will see a handful of them now. His natural talent is a bit breathtaking. When I saw the sketches myself, I was shocked at how beautiful and real they seem. It was almost as if each sketch represented a character that comes to life with Daugherty’s sense of composition, embroidered details and never-ending creativity. I love that in each individual sketch the model has makeup, a unique hairstyle and jewelry that all blends seamlessly with her attire. Actually, that is a trait of a true artist. There is one common thread within all of them — the red lips. His designs (even though created in the 70’s) are so chic and modern that I could see the modern woman wearing them today. So who is James Daugherty? He was a classic underdog. Not in his innate talent to design, but in his background, skin color and unfortunately, the era he peaked in (the mid 70’s). Daugherty was born in Los Angeles, the son of James Sr. and Pollyanna Daugherty, who were, respectively, a maintenance man and a maid. They did not have much money, but the rich women Daughtery’s mother worked for handed down all of their designer clothes that they no longer wanted. With the assistance of her son, James Jr., Polly would take the garments and redesign them to suit her needs. According to Daugherty, “By the time she would finish with these she would look like she stepped out of a fashion magazine. Momma would get all dressed up and I would sketch her.” Even from an early age, Daugherty was fascinated by his mother’s off-duty style, and he sketched her wearing the pieces — crepe dresses, veiled hats, and fox-fur chubbies that she had been given. When she left for work, James was off sketching an entire wardrobe for her. His mother dressed well but his father had the artistic ability which James felt he inherited. The combination of these two characteristics attributed to James’ interest in women’s fashion. His mother’s support planted the seed and his talent just blossomed. She constantly told him that he belonged in New York. James told his mom “the sketches were pure fantasy but I could probably could develop into a designer if I was trained to create real clothes for real people.” Over the course of this project, I had the amazing opportunity to meet Denise Orso, Daughtery’s daughter. She is lovely and stylish, but even more importantly, she loved her dad. Orso said. “My grandmother altered the clothes she was given and was always very stylish.” Denise emphasized that between her grandmother’s interest in fashion and her grandfather’s inherent artistic talent is where James probably got his inspiration to work in fashion design. She is proud of his work, and takes great pride in it, but Denise also loves her dad for being a wonderful father to her. I think that was the most striking characteristic after talking with Denise. Even though James and Jaqueline divorced, he was still an exceptional dad. Denise explained that he never missed one holiday, Birthday or special occasion. Denise also described her father as “a kind, soft-spoken man who loved people and enjoyed life.” She added, “I never heard him raise his voice.” He always kept himself vibrant and fit and looked younger than his years. James later attended the Chouinard Art Institute, which much later became Cal Arts. He completed his three-year course but at the time, the only job available was that of a maintenance man at Paramount and MGM. I think what I find incredibly endearing is how he cleaned. No matter what his job was, he took an immense amount of pride in it. (Personally, I think this is a great indicator for future success). Apparently, the employees of where he worked even noticed a special touch. This eventually led to him leaving sketches of his work in the offices of the costume designers he cleaned for. The famed Edith Head of Paramount Pictures gave him his first job as a sketch artist on the films “The Ten Commandments”, “The King and I” and “Funny Girl.”. He also worked on many of the costumes for “I Love Lucy”. “We had to design things that framed the face,” he said, “That is why I loved sketching faces. The face comes first.” Being the ambitious man that he was, he then headed east. His goal was to do costume designing on Broadway but ended up finding work in manufacturing on Seventh Avenue. Instead of sketching for great costume designers, he worked in the fashion houses of Maurie Rentner, Pat Sandler of Highlight Fashions, Bill Blass, Anne Klein and Richard Cole. When he left Highlight Fashions, he was still determined not to let his skin color be an issue. He stayed with Jerry Silverman for seven years , but frustration grew since he still had to obtain final approval on his designs. James explained, “Jerry Silverman hired me with ground rules: There would be no identity in the showroom and certainly no credit on the labels.” James then started to really worry about his future. After taking a position to make ends meet in Women’s Contemporary clothing, again, he was grateful to be working in the fashion industry; yet, his name was not allowed on the label because of his skin color. This might be hard to believe but it is reality. When I saw the pictures of the Contemporary Women’s Line, they were wonderful. There was a wrap dress, silk skirts and classy pant suits. I also had the chance to watch an interview with him on his contemporary line and got a glimpse into his thinking, his method. He wanted women to look like women. James believed in women tapping into their femininity and wanted them to be proud of their figures. His day wear and evening dresses were usually synched at the waist, he liked pockets and there was always a comfortable flow/fit to the garment . James also liked silk a lot. He loved color and didn’t want women to be afraid of it. If he designed pants (and if women had to resort to them), they were lightweight as well. In the television interview that I watched I love how he said ,”It is just as important how a woman enters a room as when she leaves the room.” Another words, one must know how to make a statement with her classy apparel. One element that I find fascinating is that his designs are incredibly elegant with a modern edge. Look at the structured fit, the colors and composition. These are gowns that I see many of today’s actresses, singers and models wearing. Actually, they should wear more of these. I can easily see Lupita Nyong wearing the first, Angelina Jolie gracing the second, Charlize Theron in the third, Marion Coutillard would be wonderful for the fourth, Nia Long in the fifth and Uma Thurman stopping traffic in the sixth. I will stop. It would look stunning. I love how the clothes he designed fit the models. They hug the body proportionately. He even said himself that women do not want a complicated fit. They want to feel feminine but not in a complicated way. That is a very modern and beautiful aesthetic. Orso told me how he enjoyed working for women’s contemporary lines but his real dream (obviously) was to have his own label versus having other designers stick their names on his. Yet, within this dynamic, Daughtery was known to be very gentle and mild-mannered and never seemed to “push back.” With his amazing talent I do not understand how he could not have “pushed harder.” Yet I am from the south, and I know the limitations (even today). Was this part of the reason why I was attracted to this story? Maybe. When I watched his television interview, I saw the gentle soul behind the designer. Times were different then and he was grateful to be working in the fashion industry, even though society was missing out on a fashion icon. After studying his sketches and the emotions that they evoke, I feel that was his heart and passion were within the evening gowns featured here. They are personal. Not to mention, there are tons of them. I can almost envision James in his New York apartment sketching away at night and dreaming of his name being on the label. Then, after working for years to reach this point, Daughtery finally was able to open his own store on 7th Avenue in NYC. Ben Shaw, an entrepreneur who backs designers, gave him a call and it was a go! James opened up his fashion house at 550 Seventh Avenue in September of 1974. He knew times would most likely change in terms of being well received by the public as a black fashion designer; yet, James considered himself the “Jackie Robinson of Seventh Avenue.” His first collection was well received by the buyers and press…and that is what counts in the fashion business. It was still hard though and his business eventually did not survive. In 1976, James Daugherty was named Designer of the Year by the Fashion Sales Guild. From 2003 until his death, James Daugherty was an adjunct professor in the Fashion Design Art Department at the Fashion Institute of Technology, where he genuinely enjoyed teaching Beginning Fashion Design to teens. I am sure it was a fantastic class and would have loved to have taken it. This is one story I am sad to leave. I sort of fell in love with this beautiful man and his journey. At least I got to tell part of it. I will probably never look at fashion the same way again, and for that James Daugherty, I thank you. I thank you for giving us beautiful designs, grace, elegance and paving the way for other African American fashion designers.
Lastly, it is hard to believe the sketches featured here are only a small portion of his fantastic creations. Apparently there are 740 in total. Whoever gets first shot at an exhibition of his stunning sketches will be very lucky and in for a magical surprise.
So every once in a while, I take a brief break from the fashion and post a personal.He might be upset but something tells me he will not see it. And if he does, “Oh well.” There is no one I respect more as a person and father to my children than John Collazos ~ gorgeous, kind and has a bit of a bad habit of saying what others are thinking. Underneath it all, is an incredibly talented photographer and athlete. He is an amazing soccer player, and has passed this on to our sons. He has also worked with some of the most beautiful women (actresses and models), but still treats me like we just met (with the exception of Charlize Theron). Overall, he is an incredible person who cares about others. He came here when he was five from Colombia, did not speak English and was working by seventeen to support his family.
We are complete opposites in a way, yet the same. I will never forget the first time I brought him home to Louisiana. I felt sick. He was not a doctor, lawyer or Ivy League graduate. I did not care. It takes a very brave man to go to Louisiana and hold his own the way he did. He also could not stop eating my mom’s cajun cooking. It was sort of beautiful to see.
When it is all said and done, never, ever have I had a man support me emotionally the way he has. It is a gift. He is a nonconformist and sort of helped me to become one as well. Sometimes thinking and actually living “outside the box” has its challenges but once you embrace it, it can be very empowering. Do we have a perfect marriage? Absolutely not but that can make it interesting. Does he look like Ben Stiller?? The kids he coaches on his soccer team say “yes”, but I think Way more handsome! He hates Facebook and begs me to get off of it. “It’s nonsense” and “superficial”. He is right and I fall into the trap. There is definitely something to be said for a humble man. A man who knows his worth but also never needs to show that off. That in itself is fashionable. Maybe growing up in Los Angeles and the seeing the superficiality of it all; or possibly watching his immigrant parents sacrifice everything for their children gave him a very grounded perspective. Sometimes in this harsh world, it is nice to feel someone is backing you up even when they don’t know what they are backing you up about. He calms me, sustains me and makes me laugh so much ~ that’s a good thing. We are connected as well through our three children and try to bring both cultures into the mix. With our daughter, it is so lovely to see. He has given her an amazing sense of self confidence and knows that she will grow up to be strong and independent. His family is insanely kind and loving towards me and have taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.
In terms of fashion, he knows what works within a second. All of that is lovely and all but it is his character and kindness that stays, that lasts and ultimately, what counts.
Elisabeth Katie Style ~ Fashion. Floral.Lifestyle 